Becky recommended me about this person when I was getting feedback from Wendy about my project.
My views on self love
I think self love if a bit overrated and is used too strongly as a messages by some people of the internet. I think at one point, it goes to the point where it can blind you of your flaws and the harm you cause with it. I think there is supposed to be that balance of acknowledging your flaws, feeling shame and regret, learning from your mistake, and then moving on. This process I feel is abbreviated too much in the media where self love is all about accepting ourself for who you are and that's it. Life is surely more complicated than that.
Esther Perel
Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel is the New York Times bestselling author of The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity. Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 20 million views and she is also the host of the popular podcast Where Should We Begin?
Letter from Esther
Notes:
-is self love even possible?
-can we love ourselves just by ourselves
-has self love become a marketing term
-individualism of western cultures
-self-reliance, self-suffiency
Self-love is the ability to not fall into a puddle of contempt even when we mess up
Let’s Turn the Lens on You
What does self-love look like for you? Try asking yourself the following questions:
I asked my partner the same questions and observed the interactions between us.
Me
Partner
Can I acknowledge that I messed up without telling myself I’m a mess?Â
-Sometimes. Depends on the severity of the problem.
-I do both. same.
Can I practice regret without falling into an abyss?
-Yes. Lately I'm being good at that just because I've gotten used to regret.
-No. I get sad, and tell myself I'm dodo and then I have to make myself laugh to get out of it.
Can I take responsibility without blaming myself?
-I don't even know what this question means.
-Yeah(?)
Can I apologize for a mistake instead of hoping everyone will just move on?
-Um. Isn't that normal.
-Yeah.
Can I acknowledge a time when I could have been a better leader in my own life?
-Yes. Absolutely. I needed that experience.
-I've never been a leader, but I could've been a better person.
Can I release myself from the shame of having not responded sooner to someone so that I can finally reach out?
-I think so?
-I wouldn't have shame. So yes.
Can I accept that I will be okay even if someone who hurt me—a parent, former partner, friend, or stranger—never acknowledges the pain they caused?
-It takes a lot of time, but I'll be okay.
-yes.
Can I let someone treat me for a coffee, dinner, or movie without feeling guilty?
-HEL YE
-depends who. If it's a date I'll feel guilty, but if it's a friend I'll be thx bro. Depends on how much I know that person.
Can I accept help from another without jumping to the conclusion that they want something from me?
-yeah, maybe I do need to think sometimes that people expect something out of me though
-yes. I'm a bit trusting from someone.
(-When you do something nice to me, do you expect something nice from me back?
-Yeah?)
Can I hold my point of view without being validated for it?
-yes, if it's important to me. If it's important to other people than maybe I'll change to their opinion.
-Yes.
My partner and I answered the questions separately. It wasn't that bonding since there wasn't any room for discussion. Just kind of answering the questions and being unjudgemental and being like: alright. So I think maybe when answering the questions, there should be like a back and forth interaction when playing the game. Maybe like a time limit to how much you can talk and then the next person goes. Or maybe like you need to bring up examples of the exoierneces in your life to back up tyour answer.